you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We need to rekindle our bromance
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize