Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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