Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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