If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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