I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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