this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
