you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
