i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
