Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
