just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my being single is dangerous.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
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You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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