is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
