I wish I only lived at night.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
