We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
