I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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