Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
