i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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