he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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