But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.