So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
