butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂