I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night