Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy