I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
