Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
