I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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