i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
