You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
