I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
