i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
