Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
