I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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