Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
