You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
