I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
