I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
