OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
