and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
