Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
