He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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