Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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