mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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