my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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