Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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