fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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