Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My hand turned me down
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
