I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
