I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
