i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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