Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
