dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
