you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize