My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
