don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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