mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
