OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
