I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
