I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
