he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
