so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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