You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
