True but thats because hes a fetus.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
