Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
