if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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