I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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