ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
