Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
