i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just invented taco cereal.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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