I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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