I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
