you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
