It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
