My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
