god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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