Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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