just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
