My hand turned me down
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
