The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
