just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
