chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
