You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
