Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize