I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I need moral support for this bender
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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