She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
